Relapse (and no I'm not talking about Eminem's album!)

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to give you a little insight to what I'm going through right now.

Everyday I'm slowly getting very ill again, my bodies giving up. My eyes shake which cause me to have double vision and dizziness, my eyeball hurts and around my eye socket. There is also a pain in the back of my head, it feels like i have smacked my head of the floor or a wall, its so painful that it hurts even to put my head on the pillow. The eyeball shake is great when I have to go down two flights of concert stairs just to go out! It takes a lot of concentration.

My legs ache and spasm all the time and the burning pain never leaves, it even goes through my groin. My legs are weak and numb, my feet drag along the floor and I'm needing help to even walk to the toilet. My arms are aching and burning too, I have pain in my wrist and fingers, (so if I don't blog for a while you know why) they are weak and shake a lot and I can barely hold anything in my hands.

I'm very fatigued and I seem to sleep my days away, I don't have the awareness to think of eating and drinking. I don't have any awareness whats going on just want to sleep and mong out. That's all I seem to do is be in a state drowsiness and unaware of whats going on around me and I can't take in information. I also have vertigo which feels like I'm walking on a hill all the time so you could mistake me for being drunk.

This is what I seem to be like when I'm ill, I wait everyday for the migraine, sickness and being delirious, I know its coming soon I can feel it. I seem to have a fever every night which means the burning pain gets worse as its temperature sensitive.

I go through this everyday but I'm staying positive as my appointment with the neurologist is in two weeks and I'm getting a more up to date report from the optician so that I have enough to back me up. Hopefully I get to have the medication to help me combat this disease.

I know that (as my readers) you are there for me and that by having you all being inspired and have a deeper understanding of what some people who might smile and say their fine actually go through, and the mask their hiding behind.

Be kind to at least one person each day because you have no idea what that person might be going through, and you never know how much your kindness might affect them.

Be blessed and as always thanks for reading xxx