Bad day!

Hey everyone,

I'm in a seriously frustrated mood today, there's been so much stuff that has irritated me.

1. My eye problem has got worse and at times can't see a thing! My eyeball actually hurts and the shaking gets so bad that I can't see from double vision, and because of the shaking my eye waters a lot so that makes vision really bad as well. The thing that really has got my goat has been that I tried to get an optician appointment because I feel my eye has got since July plus I thought it would be a bonus to have an updated report for when I see the neurologist. The optician refused to give me an appointment because nothing would have changed since July (how would you know unless you have seen my eyes?) and the report that was written in July would be good enough. If my eyes were that bad I should get a referral to see an eye specialist, my doctor would refuse to do that saying he'll want to see what the neurologist says (because he has to pay £500 for a referral and he has already paid £1000 in referral's for me!) only the neurologist can refer me to an eye specialist and he might do. The real reason the optician won't give me another eye test is because of money.
 Working as a dental nurse I know that people on benefits claiming on the NHS have to wait for appointments because the NHS put time restrictions on claims. If you claim on the NHS the dental surgery, opticians, etc can only claim and get the money back on one claim every three months so if you want/need an appointment, on the NHS then the place will properly put you off or refuse because they can't claim the money back from the NHS. 
If I was a "paying" customer then they would have no problem giving me another eye test as their getting money for it! So for another reason I'm being penalised for being on benefits. Thanks very much!

2. I keep going hot and cold I can't control my temperature, I'm either so hot that I can't breath or frozen sometimes both! Its driving me crazy!

3. My son has turned into a spoilt brat monster because his spent to much time with his nan (the mother-in-law.) His being aggressive, demanding and self obsessed! Everything has to go his way or he lashes out, his attitude stinks and all because she gives him everything he wants. She 'NEVER' disciplines him no matter what he does and without fail when she sees him she has 'something' for him being a toy, magazine... It drives me crazy because now I have to go through the whole or deal of talking to her about it, stopping my son from spending time alone with her, stopping the presents all before his birthday. Joy! And no matter what its going to be my fault! Always is!

4. I feel abandoned! I feel like the sympathy has run dry and that really (apart from a couple of people) people ask how I am but they don't really care. Some people don't even hide the fact that their not listening! They will ask how I am, I'll tell them that I'm not feeling good and they'll say, "that's nice". Thanks! I know the repeating of me saying "I'm not well" might be getting 'boring' to some people but unfortunately I can't just forget about it! Its here all the time, day or night! I know its selfish to want people to support me especially when they have things going on in their own life but a phone call or a message over Facebook, something. And I want it to be real! I want to really be listened to. As much as its hard for you to hear what I'm going through time and time again, its even harder for me to go through it time and time again.

So here's to hoping tomorrow is better, but I doubt it!

Thanks for reading xxxx