Me, myself and fatigue!

Hey everyone,

Been fatigued the last couple of weeks so been missing out on getting a lot done and spending time with the people who mean the most to me, my boys and my husband. Fatigue is horrible all you do is sleep all the time and when your not sleeping your tired. Usually when I'm fatigued I sleep until 12pm then have a nap in the afternoon for a couple of hours around 3-4pm then go to sleep for the night around 9-10pm so as you can see I'm having enough sleep. I really hate when I'm fatigued as I miss out on so much! I miss spending time with my family, doing the housework and meeting up with friends!

Also this week I've found out that we only have 30 points from the council to move which means we have no hope! A friend of ours (no disrespect) is on the list too and has more points then us even though its her, her husband and child and there's no medical reason! I don't understand! I just don't see the reasoning! I can't appeal against the decision until I receive the letter which hasn't materialized yet!

I also found out that the nerve connecting the brain to the eye is being damaged (which is causing all my eye problems) which is common to MS. Everything is pointing to MS but I can't get no help until I have a definite diagnosis. Its so frustrating! I hate being in "limbo land" nobody wants to help you in limbo land. I've felt so emotional today as I feel like I'm always the "bad" guy as I'm the one with the disease and putting the strain on everybody else. Our entire relationship I've have been told by people that I'm lucky to have my husband, its so good that he stuck around to help look after his kids, that his such a wonderful man and the sun shines out of his arse! (OK I put that one in!) now that things have changed I'm told to give my husband space, he needs time alone because his so stressed looking and worrying after me! don't get me wrong i am lucky to have him but his just as lucky!

I've always looked after my husband even when we were 15! I used to tidy his bedroom! I have looked after and supported him. I've been the best wife I could be and given him to beautiful boys and yet I'm always slated for not doing enough! I'm lazy because my husband makes the tea, I'm lazy because my housework isn't up to par anything he does or doesn't do is my fault. Don't get confused this isn't just his family but mine too! I try my best to do the housework now its not like we've always been messy i am very house proud and it kills me to see my house in such a mess but compared to some places and people (who don't have a debilitating neurological disorder) my house isn't to bad!

So from now on I'm saying "GIVE ME A BREAK" I'm trying my best and if that isn't good enough you know where the door is! I'm not being made to fell guilty over something I can't control. I'm not to blame for having this disease and if you don't understand educate yourselves!

On that note I'll say goodbye and hopefully see you all soon and wave goodbye to this fatigue!

thank you for reading xxx