Hey everyone,
I've got three days left till I see the neurologist and I'm so scared! I'm terrified more then anything his going to say they have found nothing. It feels like a ten ton weight is hanging over my head and as everyday goes by the rope holding it up gets a little more frayed. I have so much in my head that its hard to concentrate on anything else, I keep going over and over things in my head that I can't seem to relax or think about anything else.
I feel so alone, that nobody understands or cares what I'm going through. Its scary having your whole life in some else's hands. The neurologist can help or destroy my life in a matter of minutes. Its also the one year anniversary of my nan's death at the end of the month so all I can think and dream about is her. I'm hoping that my mood improves for my son's birthday tomorrow and that I have the energy to do all things I need to.
I want to make my son's birthday special please God give me the strength I need because I can guarantee I will need it!
Will keep you posted on how it goes, thank you for reading xxxx
One womens story against an a invisable illness
Friday, 12 November 2010
Remembrance day
Hey everyone,
I turned on the news last night to hear that Muslim extremists had protested in central London waving banners and burning poppy's on remembrance day. I was so angry how could they do that? Without the argument of the wars of Iraq and Afghanistan do they not think that if it wasn't for all the men who gave their lives in world war 1 and 2 that they would be free? Hitler didn't just hate the Jew's he hated everyone of colour and culture, so do they really think he would have stopped with Europe? They stood up for what is right and just and as a people we need to respect and be grateful for their sacrifice. Hitler wanted world domination he wanted to clear the world of all that HE didn't seem fit.
The thing that really annoys me is that as British people we allow it to happen! We sit there and let our heroes be mocked and disgraced! Where were our police force then? They hit out on the students protesting and setting fires but they allow this to happen! what where the British public doing while this was going on? sitting their twiddling their thumbs saying how terrible it is! If we think back what would have happened if the British public back in the 1930/40's just sat back and complained rather then doing anything do you think it would all just come out good in the end?
The problem is as a nation we are selfish we sit back thinking someone else will do it, someone else will be the hero. that's why are children are running around killing each other, tormenting people so badly that they end up taking their own lives. As a society we sit there and watch, when we should be standing up for whats right.
On the day England lost their last game of the world cup a family and a group of the young boys friends where drinking and got really drunk. They then began fighting one another because of the commotion I was watching from my flat, because the young boy was punched by his sister and ended up on the floor he and his mates attacked an innocent Asian man on his way to work. They punched him to the floor, kicked him and stamped on his head. Without thinking I started running and screaming at this group of boys to leave him alone, I could of more then anyone for being ill sat back and waited for the police force to come and by then it could have been to late but I didn't, I toke the risk because I would have never forgiven myself if that poor man had died. I don't know whether it was me screaming or they saw it themselves but two men came to the rescue before I got there and managed to fight the boys off. When the mum arrived (after her son and mates had run off) she began arguing with her daughter screaming "but that's my baby!" I'm sorry but if my son's had done anything like that I wouldn't be defending them, they would be running from me!The point is I could of just sat back and done nothing but I didn't, regardless of the risk I stood up for what is right and just and so have the men who died for yours and mines freedom.
I love this country and have never had the desire to move. I love everything about this country the history, the weather, everything but even I as a patriotic person am thinking of skipping town. The reason being that we've completely lost our way and even in history when our country went down the wrong road their were people who would stand and fight but their isn't anyone out there today, who will stand up for what is right.
Don't get me twisted I'm a truth teller not a racist, I'm not saying that we should all go out and start a civil war with all Muslims I'm saying that if all those who love our country and who are British regardless of colour, culture, religion we need to stand up and fight for the country we love, and what is right, don't sit there and remain silent. If we just sit there and complain amongst each other about the state of this country, nothing will change and it will only become worse. I'm telling you the environment in Germany that caused someone like Hitler to gain power is ripe right now, the only ones who can change it is us, the British public!
As a country we are a walk over.
When the french was rioting about the age of retirement going up I saw an interview with a British reporter and a french MP who spoke about the french protesting the age of retirement going up. The British reporter said to the french MP that in the UK the cuts had just been announced and we had just taken it yet the french public protested against the age of retirement going up yet it was still lower then the UK. The reporter asked her her thoughts on this and she said "that is the British way" We all really know what that meant! It means we're a push over!
Nobody that I know of wanted to go to war with Iraq or Afghanistan but we we're under the illusion that it was for the greater good, that we were giving people freedom, we were wrong. Once you vote a party into power on the notion of all its promises during a election campaign if that party then chooses to go back on their promises there is nothing you can do about it for the next four years. All I'm trying to say that the labour government chose to go to war not the people on the streets, there were Muslim people as part of the nation back when the decision was made are they as much to blame as the "British" people?
Please don't let this continue, do something now before its to late! The climate of society right now means that it will only take something small to trigger off a civil and race war! We are heading down a slippery slope and if we do not act now who knows how its going to end? but I can guarantee its not going to be pretty!
Thanks for reading xxx
I turned on the news last night to hear that Muslim extremists had protested in central London waving banners and burning poppy's on remembrance day. I was so angry how could they do that? Without the argument of the wars of Iraq and Afghanistan do they not think that if it wasn't for all the men who gave their lives in world war 1 and 2 that they would be free? Hitler didn't just hate the Jew's he hated everyone of colour and culture, so do they really think he would have stopped with Europe? They stood up for what is right and just and as a people we need to respect and be grateful for their sacrifice. Hitler wanted world domination he wanted to clear the world of all that HE didn't seem fit.
The thing that really annoys me is that as British people we allow it to happen! We sit there and let our heroes be mocked and disgraced! Where were our police force then? They hit out on the students protesting and setting fires but they allow this to happen! what where the British public doing while this was going on? sitting their twiddling their thumbs saying how terrible it is! If we think back what would have happened if the British public back in the 1930/40's just sat back and complained rather then doing anything do you think it would all just come out good in the end?
The problem is as a nation we are selfish we sit back thinking someone else will do it, someone else will be the hero. that's why are children are running around killing each other, tormenting people so badly that they end up taking their own lives. As a society we sit there and watch, when we should be standing up for whats right.
On the day England lost their last game of the world cup a family and a group of the young boys friends where drinking and got really drunk. They then began fighting one another because of the commotion I was watching from my flat, because the young boy was punched by his sister and ended up on the floor he and his mates attacked an innocent Asian man on his way to work. They punched him to the floor, kicked him and stamped on his head. Without thinking I started running and screaming at this group of boys to leave him alone, I could of more then anyone for being ill sat back and waited for the police force to come and by then it could have been to late but I didn't, I toke the risk because I would have never forgiven myself if that poor man had died. I don't know whether it was me screaming or they saw it themselves but two men came to the rescue before I got there and managed to fight the boys off. When the mum arrived (after her son and mates had run off) she began arguing with her daughter screaming "but that's my baby!" I'm sorry but if my son's had done anything like that I wouldn't be defending them, they would be running from me!The point is I could of just sat back and done nothing but I didn't, regardless of the risk I stood up for what is right and just and so have the men who died for yours and mines freedom.
I love this country and have never had the desire to move. I love everything about this country the history, the weather, everything but even I as a patriotic person am thinking of skipping town. The reason being that we've completely lost our way and even in history when our country went down the wrong road their were people who would stand and fight but their isn't anyone out there today, who will stand up for what is right.
Don't get me twisted I'm a truth teller not a racist, I'm not saying that we should all go out and start a civil war with all Muslims I'm saying that if all those who love our country and who are British regardless of colour, culture, religion we need to stand up and fight for the country we love, and what is right, don't sit there and remain silent. If we just sit there and complain amongst each other about the state of this country, nothing will change and it will only become worse. I'm telling you the environment in Germany that caused someone like Hitler to gain power is ripe right now, the only ones who can change it is us, the British public!
As a country we are a walk over.
When the french was rioting about the age of retirement going up I saw an interview with a British reporter and a french MP who spoke about the french protesting the age of retirement going up. The British reporter said to the french MP that in the UK the cuts had just been announced and we had just taken it yet the french public protested against the age of retirement going up yet it was still lower then the UK. The reporter asked her her thoughts on this and she said "that is the British way" We all really know what that meant! It means we're a push over!
Nobody that I know of wanted to go to war with Iraq or Afghanistan but we we're under the illusion that it was for the greater good, that we were giving people freedom, we were wrong. Once you vote a party into power on the notion of all its promises during a election campaign if that party then chooses to go back on their promises there is nothing you can do about it for the next four years. All I'm trying to say that the labour government chose to go to war not the people on the streets, there were Muslim people as part of the nation back when the decision was made are they as much to blame as the "British" people?
Please don't let this continue, do something now before its to late! The climate of society right now means that it will only take something small to trigger off a civil and race war! We are heading down a slippery slope and if we do not act now who knows how its going to end? but I can guarantee its not going to be pretty!
Thanks for reading xxx
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Bad day turned into positive day!
Hey everyone,
So I woke up today after sleeping in to midday in another stinking mood. The day didn't start to well, had some bad news from my husband as soon as I opened my eyes and things just continued to annoy me from then on.
I was due to have parents evening with my son's teacher and was not looking forward to it as I knew my son's behaviour had gone downhill recently. He hadn't been really bad he was just becoming frustrated and didn't know how to channel it so was becoming aggressive. Its hard because he had been seeing his Nan recently who gives in to him and spoils him rotten which was making him change into someone very spoilt who needed to be first and given everything. This was causing him to have problems socially with his friends.
Its hard because all you want to do is sleep and you don't have the energy to deal with your child's behaviour. I know I made a mistake for letting it slide for so long but now I've hit breaking point and knuckling down on his behaviour. I don't deal with stress really easily as I end up throwing up because my body can't deal with it then sleep for a day. Being left at home all the time because I can't make the journey, means I miss out on what is going on with my son in school and my husband doesn't really tell me unless its important.
My husband feels a little out of his depth when it comes to school and don't blame him, his male really walking into a woman's world. I know its the 21st century and more men are staying at home but its still relatively still a woman's world and its treacherous. When it comes to women and their children its really navigate through the social pitfalls as a women, not alone as a man! Women get how other women think but men tend to not understand as women are complex with a mine field of hidden messages, men tend to be more straight forward thinking (not saying some women aren't!) and less emotional. So when it comes to school I tend to know about the hidden messages a little to late after my husband has hit a pitfall!
I hate being on the outside when it comes to my son's education, in fact I hate being on the outside of my family. Their world continues while mine is on hold while I'm ill and I only get to hear whats happened once I feel better.
We went to his school and I'm not going to lie I was in a really bad mood! So bad that on the way there in the car a man was sitting in the middle of the road with his hazards on putting on a trailer. The thing that annoyed me most is there was plenty of room for him to pull at the side of the road to do it but instead sat there blocking everybody else! I unbelted my seat belt ready to unleash on them (because we were late for school because of them) that's how much I was in a bad mood and only needed the slightest thing to set me off.
I got to the school all in a flutter and in a even worse mood! Was ushered by his teacher and waited for her to finish sending the last of the children home. While we were waiting a teacher that has been with my son since nursery came over to talk to me. She lifted my mood by saying that I was a very brave and positive person. By speaking so nicely she brought my mood right up that I was actually thinking quite positively by the time I got to speak to the teacher.
When we sat down and started speaking about how my son was doing and the fact that he is brilliant at school my mood hit even higher! His behaviour wasn't as bad as I had anticipated and we ended up deciding on how we would work together in making sure his school life is enjoyable. So much better then his last teacher would I felt rather then cracking down on the kids bad behaviour she just tired to plaster over the cracks which meant that when things got out of hand the child wouldn't be rectified.
I'm pleased about the meeting and feel positive that things are on the up now and hopefully my body will follow!
Thank you for reading xxxx
So I woke up today after sleeping in to midday in another stinking mood. The day didn't start to well, had some bad news from my husband as soon as I opened my eyes and things just continued to annoy me from then on.
I was due to have parents evening with my son's teacher and was not looking forward to it as I knew my son's behaviour had gone downhill recently. He hadn't been really bad he was just becoming frustrated and didn't know how to channel it so was becoming aggressive. Its hard because he had been seeing his Nan recently who gives in to him and spoils him rotten which was making him change into someone very spoilt who needed to be first and given everything. This was causing him to have problems socially with his friends.
Its hard because all you want to do is sleep and you don't have the energy to deal with your child's behaviour. I know I made a mistake for letting it slide for so long but now I've hit breaking point and knuckling down on his behaviour. I don't deal with stress really easily as I end up throwing up because my body can't deal with it then sleep for a day. Being left at home all the time because I can't make the journey, means I miss out on what is going on with my son in school and my husband doesn't really tell me unless its important.
My husband feels a little out of his depth when it comes to school and don't blame him, his male really walking into a woman's world. I know its the 21st century and more men are staying at home but its still relatively still a woman's world and its treacherous. When it comes to women and their children its really navigate through the social pitfalls as a women, not alone as a man! Women get how other women think but men tend to not understand as women are complex with a mine field of hidden messages, men tend to be more straight forward thinking (not saying some women aren't!) and less emotional. So when it comes to school I tend to know about the hidden messages a little to late after my husband has hit a pitfall!
I hate being on the outside when it comes to my son's education, in fact I hate being on the outside of my family. Their world continues while mine is on hold while I'm ill and I only get to hear whats happened once I feel better.
We went to his school and I'm not going to lie I was in a really bad mood! So bad that on the way there in the car a man was sitting in the middle of the road with his hazards on putting on a trailer. The thing that annoyed me most is there was plenty of room for him to pull at the side of the road to do it but instead sat there blocking everybody else! I unbelted my seat belt ready to unleash on them (because we were late for school because of them) that's how much I was in a bad mood and only needed the slightest thing to set me off.
I got to the school all in a flutter and in a even worse mood! Was ushered by his teacher and waited for her to finish sending the last of the children home. While we were waiting a teacher that has been with my son since nursery came over to talk to me. She lifted my mood by saying that I was a very brave and positive person. By speaking so nicely she brought my mood right up that I was actually thinking quite positively by the time I got to speak to the teacher.
When we sat down and started speaking about how my son was doing and the fact that he is brilliant at school my mood hit even higher! His behaviour wasn't as bad as I had anticipated and we ended up deciding on how we would work together in making sure his school life is enjoyable. So much better then his last teacher would I felt rather then cracking down on the kids bad behaviour she just tired to plaster over the cracks which meant that when things got out of hand the child wouldn't be rectified.
I'm pleased about the meeting and feel positive that things are on the up now and hopefully my body will follow!
Thank you for reading xxxx
Monday, 8 November 2010
Bad day!
Hey everyone,
I'm in a seriously frustrated mood today, there's been so much stuff that has irritated me.
1. My eye problem has got worse and at times can't see a thing! My eyeball actually hurts and the shaking gets so bad that I can't see from double vision, and because of the shaking my eye waters a lot so that makes vision really bad as well. The thing that really has got my goat has been that I tried to get an optician appointment because I feel my eye has got since July plus I thought it would be a bonus to have an updated report for when I see the neurologist. The optician refused to give me an appointment because nothing would have changed since July (how would you know unless you have seen my eyes?) and the report that was written in July would be good enough. If my eyes were that bad I should get a referral to see an eye specialist, my doctor would refuse to do that saying he'll want to see what the neurologist says (because he has to pay £500 for a referral and he has already paid £1000 in referral's for me!) only the neurologist can refer me to an eye specialist and he might do. The real reason the optician won't give me another eye test is because of money.
Working as a dental nurse I know that people on benefits claiming on the NHS have to wait for appointments because the NHS put time restrictions on claims. If you claim on the NHS the dental surgery, opticians, etc can only claim and get the money back on one claim every three months so if you want/need an appointment, on the NHS then the place will properly put you off or refuse because they can't claim the money back from the NHS.
If I was a "paying" customer then they would have no problem giving me another eye test as their getting money for it! So for another reason I'm being penalised for being on benefits. Thanks very much!
2. I keep going hot and cold I can't control my temperature, I'm either so hot that I can't breath or frozen sometimes both! Its driving me crazy!
3. My son has turned into a spoilt brat monster because his spent to much time with his nan (the mother-in-law.) His being aggressive, demanding and self obsessed! Everything has to go his way or he lashes out, his attitude stinks and all because she gives him everything he wants. She 'NEVER' disciplines him no matter what he does and without fail when she sees him she has 'something' for him being a toy, magazine... It drives me crazy because now I have to go through the whole or deal of talking to her about it, stopping my son from spending time alone with her, stopping the presents all before his birthday. Joy! And no matter what its going to be my fault! Always is!
4. I feel abandoned! I feel like the sympathy has run dry and that really (apart from a couple of people) people ask how I am but they don't really care. Some people don't even hide the fact that their not listening! They will ask how I am, I'll tell them that I'm not feeling good and they'll say, "that's nice". Thanks! I know the repeating of me saying "I'm not well" might be getting 'boring' to some people but unfortunately I can't just forget about it! Its here all the time, day or night! I know its selfish to want people to support me especially when they have things going on in their own life but a phone call or a message over Facebook, something. And I want it to be real! I want to really be listened to. As much as its hard for you to hear what I'm going through time and time again, its even harder for me to go through it time and time again.
So here's to hoping tomorrow is better, but I doubt it!
Thanks for reading xxxx
I'm in a seriously frustrated mood today, there's been so much stuff that has irritated me.
1. My eye problem has got worse and at times can't see a thing! My eyeball actually hurts and the shaking gets so bad that I can't see from double vision, and because of the shaking my eye waters a lot so that makes vision really bad as well. The thing that really has got my goat has been that I tried to get an optician appointment because I feel my eye has got since July plus I thought it would be a bonus to have an updated report for when I see the neurologist. The optician refused to give me an appointment because nothing would have changed since July (how would you know unless you have seen my eyes?) and the report that was written in July would be good enough. If my eyes were that bad I should get a referral to see an eye specialist, my doctor would refuse to do that saying he'll want to see what the neurologist says (because he has to pay £500 for a referral and he has already paid £1000 in referral's for me!) only the neurologist can refer me to an eye specialist and he might do. The real reason the optician won't give me another eye test is because of money.
Working as a dental nurse I know that people on benefits claiming on the NHS have to wait for appointments because the NHS put time restrictions on claims. If you claim on the NHS the dental surgery, opticians, etc can only claim and get the money back on one claim every three months so if you want/need an appointment, on the NHS then the place will properly put you off or refuse because they can't claim the money back from the NHS.
If I was a "paying" customer then they would have no problem giving me another eye test as their getting money for it! So for another reason I'm being penalised for being on benefits. Thanks very much!
2. I keep going hot and cold I can't control my temperature, I'm either so hot that I can't breath or frozen sometimes both! Its driving me crazy!
3. My son has turned into a spoilt brat monster because his spent to much time with his nan (the mother-in-law.) His being aggressive, demanding and self obsessed! Everything has to go his way or he lashes out, his attitude stinks and all because she gives him everything he wants. She 'NEVER' disciplines him no matter what he does and without fail when she sees him she has 'something' for him being a toy, magazine... It drives me crazy because now I have to go through the whole or deal of talking to her about it, stopping my son from spending time alone with her, stopping the presents all before his birthday. Joy! And no matter what its going to be my fault! Always is!
4. I feel abandoned! I feel like the sympathy has run dry and that really (apart from a couple of people) people ask how I am but they don't really care. Some people don't even hide the fact that their not listening! They will ask how I am, I'll tell them that I'm not feeling good and they'll say, "that's nice". Thanks! I know the repeating of me saying "I'm not well" might be getting 'boring' to some people but unfortunately I can't just forget about it! Its here all the time, day or night! I know its selfish to want people to support me especially when they have things going on in their own life but a phone call or a message over Facebook, something. And I want it to be real! I want to really be listened to. As much as its hard for you to hear what I'm going through time and time again, its even harder for me to go through it time and time again.
So here's to hoping tomorrow is better, but I doubt it!
Thanks for reading xxxx
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Blood thicker the water??
Hey everyone,
Family is a strange thing isn't it? You can be related to the most irritating people you will ever meet in your life but you also have so much love for them at the same time. Some families seem to be closer then others, some people can't stand their family and others are so close they spend every waking hour with them!
My families a bit different, I would say we're a close family but I couldn't be around them everyday. I know a few people who are adults and every day take their kids around their mum and dad's house and stay there all day everyday! It would drive me crazy and I know it would drive my mum crazy too!
I have family members who drive me crazy! Their immature, selfish and stupid and expected everybody to pick up the slack for them but at the same time I love them with all my heart and would do anything for them.
But when is "enough", enough? If you kept bailing them out every five minutes for their stupidity and immaturity when do you say "deal with it on your own"? Its a hard question when love and family are involved. I was always told blood is thicker then water but when all your blood is being drained to support someone else eventually for your own sake, you have to pull that IV out and say "no more!"
Its not an easy thing to do because of the guilt that comes with it but as adults we have to come to a point in life where we're chucked in the deep end and its sink or swim, but those who know that there's someone at the side of the pool, ready and waiting with a life line to rescue them they never attempt to swim. They just lay there waiting to for the moment when you step in. You know the saying cruel to be kind? Its true sometimes you have to. There's no choice in the matter.
What about the other side of it? What if you can't stand a family member and to go as far as hate? Me and my husband don't get on with any of his family and the only one's we speak to is his mum and dad. The family dilemma we have time and time again is his mum wants to allow our children to go with her to his sisters but we can't stand her or her husband and don't trust them as far as we can throw them.
I know it seems very cruel to not allow our children to be with their aunt but there's a lot of history that goes into it. Years of complicated anger came to a volcanic eruption last year and dispute between sister and brother nearly destroyed a mother and son relationship forever.
My husband and his sister have always had a strenuous relationship, as kids they were never allowed to settle disputes between themselves and my husband was always the one who was corrected which caused his sister to developed a unrealistic notion of power over her brother while my husband buried all the hate and hurt deep down.
When me and my husband met, me and his sister lets say never really hit it off! She felt that as I was with her brother she too had this unrealistic power over me. (which believe me didn't go down to well!) She hated me and I didn't think to highly of her either and the way she treated my husband infuriated me but as teenagers we really couldn't do much about it as his mum and dad still jumped to her defence and ultimately they were his parents.
It became worse when we had our first son. She felt she had the right to administer this "power" when ever she felt with our son which didn't sit well with me. Her boyfriend at the time hated our son and would pick on him when ever he had the chance to. Me and my husband never slapped our son (because he was a very well behaved child and never had the need to) at seven months old she decided that she was going to "discipline" our child the way she felt fit to and slapped him! twice! When she put him down (he was screaming) I picked him up and comforted him and she said "how is he going to learn!" For one he is MY child and its MY choice in how I discipline him and not down to you to tell me how I bring up MY child!! Anyway i tried to take the diplomatic route and went upstairs to my husband (who was running a bath for him) and said "your sister just slapped him, could you let her know that we have chosen not to slap him because I don't think she knows" By the time he went downstairs she had left the house, we continued to bath our son (I'm not going to lie, I had a few choice words to say!) eventually she came back, ran upstairs and started to scream at my husband that she had done nothing! She said to my husband "who do you choose to believe, her or me?"
Blood thicker then water? In that case my husband chose to support me and continues to no matter what. Regardless of who it is in his family he stands up and supports me. Last year his sister got married (on her third engagement! third time lucky hey!) things deteriorated so bad between her and my husband and because of what happened my husband doesn't speak or allow our children to see her. There were a lot of situations that arose over the years that caused an a unadulterated hatred between us and her and her husband.
That year was the hardest I've ever had, and I think the same applies to my husband. She nearly destroyed our family, killed our child and ruin my husbands relationship with his parents and those things will never be forgotten or forgiven. I can't even portray to you what happened or the damage caused, the affects are still being felt now but what I can tell you is that all that has happened between us as adults would never affect how we dealt with the situation between her and our children. The reason we don't allow them to see our children is because we don't trust her as if she could slap my child in front of my face then what would she do behind my back? Its not just that but she allowed her husband and her boyfriend before that to bully our son.
My son is a sensitive child and wears his heart on his sleeve which makes it very easy for a spiteful adult to bully him. While he was visiting his nan (which at the time they lived with) he would call him names to the point of frustration for my son then would laugh at him, he would tell him he was going to chuck him out of his nan's house if he said that Liverpool stinks. Now I can understand that some men have this over extractive gang culture attitude to football but picking on a child to terrify him into supporting your team? Then he has the audacity to say to everyone (because he never actually came) that he came over to our house and my husband was to scared to come answer the door! I will be honest with you if he had come to my house then I would have been spending the night in a police cell and him in a hospital bed!
Anyway I'm getting distracted the point is every now and then its a bone of contention between my husband and his mum because she wants to take the boys to see her (even though his sister is not bothered by the kids at all its the control element she wants, she knows it causes a issue and she likes that!) and my husband refuses.
Would you allow your children go because of the notion blood is thicker then water?
Thanks for reading xxx
My husband has decided to tell his side of the story, you can read it here... http://eyeofthestorm01.blogspot.com/
Family is a strange thing isn't it? You can be related to the most irritating people you will ever meet in your life but you also have so much love for them at the same time. Some families seem to be closer then others, some people can't stand their family and others are so close they spend every waking hour with them!
My families a bit different, I would say we're a close family but I couldn't be around them everyday. I know a few people who are adults and every day take their kids around their mum and dad's house and stay there all day everyday! It would drive me crazy and I know it would drive my mum crazy too!
I have family members who drive me crazy! Their immature, selfish and stupid and expected everybody to pick up the slack for them but at the same time I love them with all my heart and would do anything for them.
But when is "enough", enough? If you kept bailing them out every five minutes for their stupidity and immaturity when do you say "deal with it on your own"? Its a hard question when love and family are involved. I was always told blood is thicker then water but when all your blood is being drained to support someone else eventually for your own sake, you have to pull that IV out and say "no more!"
Its not an easy thing to do because of the guilt that comes with it but as adults we have to come to a point in life where we're chucked in the deep end and its sink or swim, but those who know that there's someone at the side of the pool, ready and waiting with a life line to rescue them they never attempt to swim. They just lay there waiting to for the moment when you step in. You know the saying cruel to be kind? Its true sometimes you have to. There's no choice in the matter.
What about the other side of it? What if you can't stand a family member and to go as far as hate? Me and my husband don't get on with any of his family and the only one's we speak to is his mum and dad. The family dilemma we have time and time again is his mum wants to allow our children to go with her to his sisters but we can't stand her or her husband and don't trust them as far as we can throw them.
I know it seems very cruel to not allow our children to be with their aunt but there's a lot of history that goes into it. Years of complicated anger came to a volcanic eruption last year and dispute between sister and brother nearly destroyed a mother and son relationship forever.
My husband and his sister have always had a strenuous relationship, as kids they were never allowed to settle disputes between themselves and my husband was always the one who was corrected which caused his sister to developed a unrealistic notion of power over her brother while my husband buried all the hate and hurt deep down.
When me and my husband met, me and his sister lets say never really hit it off! She felt that as I was with her brother she too had this unrealistic power over me. (which believe me didn't go down to well!) She hated me and I didn't think to highly of her either and the way she treated my husband infuriated me but as teenagers we really couldn't do much about it as his mum and dad still jumped to her defence and ultimately they were his parents.
It became worse when we had our first son. She felt she had the right to administer this "power" when ever she felt with our son which didn't sit well with me. Her boyfriend at the time hated our son and would pick on him when ever he had the chance to. Me and my husband never slapped our son (because he was a very well behaved child and never had the need to) at seven months old she decided that she was going to "discipline" our child the way she felt fit to and slapped him! twice! When she put him down (he was screaming) I picked him up and comforted him and she said "how is he going to learn!" For one he is MY child and its MY choice in how I discipline him and not down to you to tell me how I bring up MY child!! Anyway i tried to take the diplomatic route and went upstairs to my husband (who was running a bath for him) and said "your sister just slapped him, could you let her know that we have chosen not to slap him because I don't think she knows" By the time he went downstairs she had left the house, we continued to bath our son (I'm not going to lie, I had a few choice words to say!) eventually she came back, ran upstairs and started to scream at my husband that she had done nothing! She said to my husband "who do you choose to believe, her or me?"
Blood thicker then water? In that case my husband chose to support me and continues to no matter what. Regardless of who it is in his family he stands up and supports me. Last year his sister got married (on her third engagement! third time lucky hey!) things deteriorated so bad between her and my husband and because of what happened my husband doesn't speak or allow our children to see her. There were a lot of situations that arose over the years that caused an a unadulterated hatred between us and her and her husband.
That year was the hardest I've ever had, and I think the same applies to my husband. She nearly destroyed our family, killed our child and ruin my husbands relationship with his parents and those things will never be forgotten or forgiven. I can't even portray to you what happened or the damage caused, the affects are still being felt now but what I can tell you is that all that has happened between us as adults would never affect how we dealt with the situation between her and our children. The reason we don't allow them to see our children is because we don't trust her as if she could slap my child in front of my face then what would she do behind my back? Its not just that but she allowed her husband and her boyfriend before that to bully our son.
My son is a sensitive child and wears his heart on his sleeve which makes it very easy for a spiteful adult to bully him. While he was visiting his nan (which at the time they lived with) he would call him names to the point of frustration for my son then would laugh at him, he would tell him he was going to chuck him out of his nan's house if he said that Liverpool stinks. Now I can understand that some men have this over extractive gang culture attitude to football but picking on a child to terrify him into supporting your team? Then he has the audacity to say to everyone (because he never actually came) that he came over to our house and my husband was to scared to come answer the door! I will be honest with you if he had come to my house then I would have been spending the night in a police cell and him in a hospital bed!
Anyway I'm getting distracted the point is every now and then its a bone of contention between my husband and his mum because she wants to take the boys to see her (even though his sister is not bothered by the kids at all its the control element she wants, she knows it causes a issue and she likes that!) and my husband refuses.
Would you allow your children go because of the notion blood is thicker then water?
Thanks for reading xxx
My husband has decided to tell his side of the story, you can read it here... http://eyeofthestorm01.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
Relapse (and no I'm not talking about Eminem's album!)
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to give you a little insight to what I'm going through right now.
Everyday I'm slowly getting very ill again, my bodies giving up. My eyes shake which cause me to have double vision and dizziness, my eyeball hurts and around my eye socket. There is also a pain in the back of my head, it feels like i have smacked my head of the floor or a wall, its so painful that it hurts even to put my head on the pillow. The eyeball shake is great when I have to go down two flights of concert stairs just to go out! It takes a lot of concentration.
My legs ache and spasm all the time and the burning pain never leaves, it even goes through my groin. My legs are weak and numb, my feet drag along the floor and I'm needing help to even walk to the toilet. My arms are aching and burning too, I have pain in my wrist and fingers, (so if I don't blog for a while you know why) they are weak and shake a lot and I can barely hold anything in my hands.
I'm very fatigued and I seem to sleep my days away, I don't have the awareness to think of eating and drinking. I don't have any awareness whats going on just want to sleep and mong out. That's all I seem to do is be in a state drowsiness and unaware of whats going on around me and I can't take in information. I also have vertigo which feels like I'm walking on a hill all the time so you could mistake me for being drunk.
This is what I seem to be like when I'm ill, I wait everyday for the migraine, sickness and being delirious, I know its coming soon I can feel it. I seem to have a fever every night which means the burning pain gets worse as its temperature sensitive.
I go through this everyday but I'm staying positive as my appointment with the neurologist is in two weeks and I'm getting a more up to date report from the optician so that I have enough to back me up. Hopefully I get to have the medication to help me combat this disease.
I know that (as my readers) you are there for me and that by having you all being inspired and have a deeper understanding of what some people who might smile and say their fine actually go through, and the mask their hiding behind.
Be kind to at least one person each day because you have no idea what that person might be going through, and you never know how much your kindness might affect them.
Be blessed and as always thanks for reading xxx
I just wanted to give you a little insight to what I'm going through right now.
Everyday I'm slowly getting very ill again, my bodies giving up. My eyes shake which cause me to have double vision and dizziness, my eyeball hurts and around my eye socket. There is also a pain in the back of my head, it feels like i have smacked my head of the floor or a wall, its so painful that it hurts even to put my head on the pillow. The eyeball shake is great when I have to go down two flights of concert stairs just to go out! It takes a lot of concentration.
My legs ache and spasm all the time and the burning pain never leaves, it even goes through my groin. My legs are weak and numb, my feet drag along the floor and I'm needing help to even walk to the toilet. My arms are aching and burning too, I have pain in my wrist and fingers, (so if I don't blog for a while you know why) they are weak and shake a lot and I can barely hold anything in my hands.
I'm very fatigued and I seem to sleep my days away, I don't have the awareness to think of eating and drinking. I don't have any awareness whats going on just want to sleep and mong out. That's all I seem to do is be in a state drowsiness and unaware of whats going on around me and I can't take in information. I also have vertigo which feels like I'm walking on a hill all the time so you could mistake me for being drunk.
This is what I seem to be like when I'm ill, I wait everyday for the migraine, sickness and being delirious, I know its coming soon I can feel it. I seem to have a fever every night which means the burning pain gets worse as its temperature sensitive.
I go through this everyday but I'm staying positive as my appointment with the neurologist is in two weeks and I'm getting a more up to date report from the optician so that I have enough to back me up. Hopefully I get to have the medication to help me combat this disease.
I know that (as my readers) you are there for me and that by having you all being inspired and have a deeper understanding of what some people who might smile and say their fine actually go through, and the mask their hiding behind.
Be kind to at least one person each day because you have no idea what that person might be going through, and you never know how much your kindness might affect them.
Be blessed and as always thanks for reading xxx
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
I will win!
Hey everyone,
I've been through a lot in my life and there's pretty much nothing you can say that I haven't been through or have a understanding about but I've also been really lucky. I have amazing people in my life who help pick me up through the hard times and celebrate with me through the good.
I have had trials like you wouldn't believe but also have had many opportunities to active the impossible. In everything I have been through there has always been a lesson and an opportunites to reach people and help them to reach the light at the end of the tunnel.
Every trial in your life has a reason and a meaning nothing happens by chance, to find the reason you have to look within yourself and see what you have achieved because of it and know the reasons why.
I have always been told I'm a strong person, not that I've always felt it but I weather the storm a lot better then most because I have the determination and inner strength with in me to break through, and I wouldn't of had that unless I had been through the fire first.
I don't see my life as over because I've become ill, I see it as a learning curve to inspire and teach people. I'm going through this trial because there's a higher purpose, to what that is I have no idea yet but eventually the mist will clear and I will know and understand why. I have a purpose in life and admitting defeat is not one of them. I will beat what ever is happening to me and will become a medical marvel because I won't lie down and accept this as my fate.
What I'm going through is my testimony and through reading and seeing it you will hopefully active a higher understanding and be able to see the treasures in your life not ashes.
Be like the lion in the face of the storm of defeat and hold your head held up high! You have the strength to weather the storm and active what you need to. Your happiness and life are down to you, you have the power and the ability to do what you want.
Life is what YOU make of it!
Be who you want to be! xxxx
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