Scared of the dark?

Hey everyone,

I know its a funny think for a grown women to say but I'm scared of the night. Let me explain, living with a invisible chronic illness you don't know how your going to feel from day to day so when it comes to night time and its time to go to bed I get scared of falling asleep because I don't know how I'm going to feel when I wake up. 

It terrifies me as I don't know if I'm going to be in extreme pain, how late I'm going to wake up or if the fatigue is going to be really bad and all I do is slop on the sofa or if its going to be a day of being bed bound. Sometimes I've laid in my bed and cried at the thought of going to sleep and waking up in an unpredictable world but I have no choice because whether or not I go to bed its still going to happen.

Whether I like it or not relapses are still going to happen, the pain and the mobility problems are still going to be there and a 23 year old is still going to have the body of a 80 year old. In fact an 80 year old probably has more of a life then me! No matter how I feel its as sure as dusk and dawn so I've just got to get on with it no matter how I feel inside, I have no choice. 

So to night as you snuggle down to bed, thank god that your life is not taken out of your control and your not trapped in your own body, thank him for the fact that you can sleep soundly knowing something horrible isn't waiting for you in the morning or might come sooner.

Living with a chronic illness, running our own race, following our own path.