Happy Easter

Hey everyone,

I've had a really good Easter day but man its been exhausting. It started with getting up around 10:30am despite going to sleep around 3:00am to watch the boys run around finding their Easter eggs. We then went to my mothers house who had arranged a egg hunt for her grandchildren.

I was hurting badly before I got to my mum's as I haven't been great for the last couple of weeks. I've had real trouble sleeping and my pain levels have been really high, on top of all this taking Amitriptyline has caused me to be more tired when I'm awake and I've had very vivid dreams where I can't distinguish which is reality and which is dreamland. Some of these dreams have been nightmares and I've not been able to wake up and know there not real or have woken up but instantly dragged back into sleep by the drug to continue the dream. At times its been a truly terrifying experience.

While I was at my mum's I tried to help as much as possible but as I did the pain in my legs kept increasing and my feet swelled up. It came to a head when I reached over to get a baby bottle for my little sister who had my nephew and ended up spilling my drink everywhere. It ended up causing a right stink and I felt so guilty. I hate it when my body fails on me, I don't want to have to sit there and call someone else when I'm there. 

My husband and sister carried me upstairs and helped me change into clothes of my mothers while my mum washed mine, there was also the clean up to be done. It caused arguments from the frustration of having to clean a spilt drink and the clean up of myself. I was scolded for not asking someone else and not resting, I felt like a child being told off. I felt so childish and stupid, I'm turning 24 next week and I can't even have a drink without spilling it! I am like a child and its frustrating for me let alone the people around me. I felt like crying because I was deeply sorry for it and because I felt so useless and a nuisance to everyone. Through my inability I had caused arguments and frustration. 

I came back down the stairs to things being cleared up and a chair in front of the paddling pool so I could put my feet in. By now my my feet had swelled so much they looked like big puff balls. I put my feet in the water and it felt really good, my feet had felt like they were on fire and every step was like stepping on hot coals. As I sat there with my feet in the water I noticed that they were still swollen but my toes were blue and the rest of my foot looked like it had a rash. It looked as if every blood vessel had risen to the surface of my foot. As I sat there eventually my foot began turning back to its normal size but was turning blue so I toke them out.

The rest of the day and evening I toke things easy and mainly had people do things for me. My feet still are pretty swollen and hurt like hell and so do my thighs, it certainly didn't help with the undignified crawl up two flights of stairs to get home! I probably won't sleep tonight from the amount of pain I'm in but like always I'll survive while everyone sleeps, praying that eventually sleep will take me. 

I had a brilliant day with my family and my mum and step-dad (and also my little sister) did an amazing job with the egg hunt and the BBQ. The effort made was amazing and despite the pain (and the spilling of the drink) I had a wonderful time but I can't help on days like this, wishing that I was "normal".

So although the mishaps I wanted to say a huge thank you to my mum and step-dad for such a lovely and wonderful Easter.