Hey everyone,
I'm sorry that I haven't posted since just before Christmas but I've been really sick with Flu and a chest infection plus on top having really bad fatigue while my body fights these viral diseases, I have hardly been awake and when I have I've had very little energy.
I'm going to talk about the highs and lows of my Christmas holidays and the lessons I feel it gave to me, my first lesson is selfishness.
We, as a family caught the Flu from my sister and her children who I looked after for two days before Christmas as she hadn't done any shopping (presents or food) and couldn't handle taking the kids with her especially as they were so ill (although we didn't find out they were sick until they arrived!). My sister has four children (two step children and two of her own) the youngest being disabled with cerebral palsy, on top of the busy life of having four children and one being disabled she looks after her brother-in-law with MND (Motor neuron disease), the reason she had not been able to do her shopping was because she was taking care of her brother-in-law or so I was told.
We babysat my sister's four sick kids plus our own two kids from ten o'clock in the morning till around eight o'clock in the evening. When my sister arrived to pick her children up I asked her if she had finished her shopping and she said that she hadn't got hardly anything done as they didn't leave her brother-in-laws house till around 2pm and most of the day was taken up by his Christmas shopping, me and my husband offered to have three of the children (as the one with cerebral palsy won't stay with anyone else) stay over night and again would have the four of them the next day (I know, don't know what the hell we were thinking!).
I received a text from my sister the next day to say that my nephew would be staying at home with a friends girlfriend as he was really ill, (the reason being as her "friend" would allow him to do whatever he pleases and allow him to do nothing but play the PS3 all day, his 5!) so again I had the kids all day until eight in the evening. When my sister had arrived I again asked if she had completed her Christmas shopping and she said she hadn't, I was due to go over to my sister's house to exchange Christmas presents the next day but I was so physically exhausted I just couldn't have them stay over again. The next day my sister was due to pick us up around midday to go to her house (although I was so exhausted I had only just woke up by then) but she was running around so was a couple of hours late, eventually we went round to her house an exchanged presents.
Late Christmas eve I had a phone call from my mother who was extremely upset, through sobs I managed to piece together the events of that day. My mum and sister had arranged that my mum would spend Christmas eve exchanging presents with my sister and her family as she was at my brothers Christmas day and with me Boxing day. My mum had rang my sister around ten in the morning and had arranged with her to go over around midday. My mum arrived to find my sister not there and her boyfriend sleeping on the sofa, her and the children sat silently watching t.v trying not to disturb my sister's boyfriend waiting for my sister to come back. Eventually my sister phoned her boyfriend around 3:30pm to say she was on her way to Kingston (a good hour drive away) as her brother-in-law had ordered some jewelery from Links of London which had not arrived and she needed to go collect it, so my mum let the children open their presents and went home. My mum was so upset that they had made arrangement, my sister even verifying that morning and yet she still wasn't there.
My husband had left a present we had brought in my sister's car so on Christmas eve she dropped it off (around 2ish) and said to my husband that she needed to be back at the hairdressers (which is around the corner from her house) wait for her brother-in-law to finish having his hair cut then go to Kingston, with that information my sister was around the corner for around an hour and could have spent that time with my mum.
I'm going to be really controversial right now and say although my sister was very much in the wrong so is her brother-in-law, although we're not actually suppose to speak bad of those with disabilities I see her brother-in-law being in the wrong just as much as she is. The reason I say this, although I'm in no way comparing my physical disability to his but I didn't have anyone to help me with my Christmas shopping and although mine and my husbands family (except my sister) help as much as they can, we're pretty much on our own when it comes to shopping, so my point being if I was able to do my present and food shopping on my own surely so could he?
My husband doesn't drive and we very rarely have anyone to ferry us about so I did my shopping on the net, I ordered all of my presents and had them delivered and ordered my Christmas shopping from Asda's and had it delivered a couple of days before Christmas, he has a laptop and a Ipad so if I could why couldn't he? He has the physical ability to use the Internet and Ipad and regularly does so I can't understand why he didn't. I'm not saying that he shouldn't expect help but their both to blame for leaving everything to the last minute. Christmas comes once a year and is all about family so the fact my sister was too busy running around for her brother-in-law even though he lives with five other men who help him and the fact his sister who is down as the other named driver, plus he has a girlfriend all of which could have taken him for his hair cut and gone to Kingston but instead he insisted my sister take him and my sister despite making plans with my mum toke him.
I will say it, he was being selfish! Yes disabled people can be selfish because regardless of able-bodied or not we are all human and selfishness is a very human trait. He had the power and means of doing his present shopping way before Christmas and he didn't have to do any food shopping so leaving everything to the week of Christmas, leaving my sister's kids without their parents when their sick that's without leaving my mum sitting their wanting to spend a little Christmas with her daughter and grandchildren,is selfish and yes your right my sister could have and should have said no but that doesn't excuse his behaviour.
So my point really is regardless of being able-bodied or not being selfish is still selfish, its quite easy when you become ill with a chronic illness to say "fuck you" to the world and be angry with everyone especially those who abuse their body but its not about that you have to get over it and move on otherwise you get bog down with being angry and hating the world that you forget the magic in it and those you love, you can't hate the world or hurt others just because something no-one can control happens to you. The fact that he is disabled doesn't take away the fact he was selfish and irresponsible and should have thought about things and prepared sooner knowing the fact that he now his life has changed and doesn't have physical advantage most people have.
The selfishness of my sister is that despite the fact me and my mum especially are the first people she comes to in a moment of crisis and will always be yet she couldn't even spare my mum a couple of hours at Christmas it becomes an issue, an issue I'm sure we could all do without. Although this year her boyfriends family have become the best thing since sliced bread they were how ever nowhere to be seen when her son was born at 29 weeks and was in neonatal (his mum saying she "doesn't do neonatal"!) or when their son was diagnosed with cerebral palsy.
You only realise how much someone does and is there for you when its gone so cherish those who are there and never take them for granted or you might just wake up one day and find that person has gone and you might never be able to get them back.
Thank you for reading xx
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